March 2012
49 posts
The Bear Facts
The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive...
Round about the Law
A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy’s window and says “Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube.” The man says, “Sorry officer I can’t do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I’ll have a really bad asthma attack.”
“Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station...
Damn
THE DIAGNOSIS
A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynaecologist. The doctor takes one look at this woman and all his professionalism goes out the window. Right away he tells her to undress. After she has disrobed he begins to stroke her thigh. As he does this he says to the woman, “Do you know what I’m doing?” “Yes,” she says, “you’re checking for any abrasions...
WILL IT HURT MUCH, DOCTOR?
A woman goes to her doctor who verifies that she is pregnant. This is her first pregnancy. The doctor asks her if she has any questions. She replies, “Well, I’m a little worried about the pain. How much will childbirth hurt?” The doctor answered, “Well, that varies from woman to woman and pregnancy to pregnancy and besides, it’s difficult to describe pain.” ...
February 2012
68 posts
The Devils Lawsuit.
There was a contruction worker who was working on a building when he fell 15 stories to his bloody death. He arrived at the pearly gates and St. Peter said “Oh, I am sorry, my son. But you have been sentenced to hell.” The worker agreed - not like he could do anything else - and he was on his way. When he arrived, the devil looked at him and said, “Ah! A new slave. We shall...
A Generous Lawyer?
A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town’s most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. “Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn’t you like to give back to the community in some way?”...
The strange thing is that somebody actually took...
The best part of my morning
I’m hopelessly in love with this stuff.
So today was Monday.. again
Happy and Monday are two words that go together like Peanut Butter and Oyster sauce.. Blaaaaaaaaaah!!!
This Truth
Good Morning from Nevada
Say what?
Only my sister could get away with posting something like this on facebook
Seriously Now.. WTF????
I can’t tell if its really long man boobs or a deflated spare tire.
LIFE..
Life.. If you’re not happy.. Then you’re not doing it right..
Early this morning I thought that I had a plan for...
who knew that Confucius was a perv?
Yeah This
Another please
Thursday night Snickers
Yes... you there.. today.. yes you! Mr. Today.. ...
The last two days have been seriously trying my patience
This was my work face today..
Seriously.. sometimes I think I’m surrounded by complete morons..
Chicken: the other white meat.
Waiter: “May I take your order sir?”
Patron: “Yes, but I have a question first.”
Waiter: “OK.. Shoot.”
Patron: “Yes, I was just wondering, how do you prepare your chickens?”
Waiter: “Nothing special sir, we just tell them straight out that they are going to be Killed, fried, and eaten.”
HUH?
What do you get when you cross an Insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?
Someone who lies awake all night long wondering if there really is a Dog.
Clarification of Corporate Lingo
“COMPETITIVE SALARY”
We remain competitive by paying our employee’s less than our competitors pay their employee’s.
“JOIN OUR FAST PACED TEAM”
You have to work fast because we have no time to train you.
“CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE”
We don’t pay enough to expect that you’ll dress up just to come to work.
“MUST BE...
Red Matter?
Watching the newest Star Trek movie on Dvd.. I love the Romulan line: “Prepare the red matter!” Red Matter? why should RED matter? why is RED so damn Special? ohhhhhh… Star Trek Lingo is sooooo confusing sometimes.
Here comes the sun
A beautiful sunrise and a hot cup of coffee.. an unbeatable combination!
Life's one true universal language
Music is all there is..
Must be some kind of sick, twisted Christmas porn.
Whoa...
Uhhhhhhhhh… It Could beeeee… A? but its probably B or C.. but it could be D.. but its probably A.. no wait! its——-
Valentines Day
Argumentative
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Stalker Valentine.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Oh dear god no! Valentine.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The TMI Valentine
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Happy Valentines Day Tumblr/Twitter!
American Bad ass.
Jimi Hendrix artwork made from Guitar picks.. it doesn’t get any cooler than this.. I love this picture.. Jimi was a bad ass guitarist.. he is still missed.
So even though it was Monday.. it didn't turn out...
I’m a little tuckered out but I survived Monday once again Bring it on Tuesday!
+2
+1
Its almost Monday
#3
Oh Crap! Rolling Number 2
Oh Crap!
I have made a discovery..
I’ve discoveryed that no matter how hard you try, you can’t hide from Monday.. where ever you go, the fucker will find you, and make you pay!
Anti-Social Media.
While Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr and all of the rest are called Social Media sites; I think somebody needs to come up with an Anti-Social media site. You know- that ONE SPECIAL place where all of the cyber bullies and internet trolls of various distinction could go to hang out together and pick on each other while they are leaving the rest of us the fuck alone. Yeah I know, its a lofty dream,...
I hate it when that happens...
I really hate it when gravity decides to remind you of how heavy some shit is when you try to lift it by yourself. I think I’m going to need more coffee.
Up before the sun.
Awake too early
and why am I awake at 4:00 AM on my day off you ask? I wish I friggin knew.
Valentines Day.. BAH!! HUMBUG!!
Singer Whitney Houston dies at 48. →
it took me a couple of seconds to figure this out,...